


Take Care For Contemplation

by redFreckles



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Drabble, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 12:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8327854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redFreckles/pseuds/redFreckles
Summary: Nicky stills in Neil's grip and looks at him slowly. "To Andrew, or ever?""Um."Behind him Matt sputters out his milk. "Jesus Christ Neil."Or in which Neil is the one bad at emotions.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the quiet by troye sivan  
> I saw this prompt somewhere on tumblr and decided i wanted to cry a bit so enjoy
> 
> Prompt 43: I can't love you

"What? You mean not even once?" Nicky said shocked.

Neil looked at him in confusion, "No?"

Nicky looked heartbroken and a little bit enraged. "He never told you he loved you?"

Honestly, Neil didn't understand why he cared so much. "It's fine Nicky, just let it go."

Neil winced at his word choice as Nicky's expression went quickly to anger. "No it's not! Do you want me to talk to him, I think I should talk to him-"

Neil quickly grabbed Nicky's arm over the kitchen counter, potentially saving him from a knife in his gut, and hastily says, "It's really not a big deal. It's not like I've ever said it either."

Nicky stills in Neil's grip and looks at him slowly. "To Andrew, or ever?"

Sometimes Neil forgets how observant Nicky can be and feels his mind blank trying to remember the last time he said those words.

"Um."

Behind him Matt sputters out his milk. "Jesus Christ Neil."

Neil feels unusually embarrassed and lets go of Nicky's arm. "It doesn't matter. Me and Andrew have an understanding. It works for us."

Nicky shakes his head sadly. "Your killing me dude. Do you even understand how sad that is?"

Neil frowns uncomfortably and leaves the room ignoring the protesting and microwave ding signaling his breakfast done he hears behind him.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's an hour into practice and Neil has yet to make a goal.

It's an hour into practice and Andrew has yet to pick up his racket.

"Get out of your head, dammit!" Kevin shouts and Neil grinds his teeth. He's off his game and everybody knows it, even Andrew stares at him curiously.

Neil tightens his grip on his racket and tries not to smash it into Kevin’s skull as he grabs another ball.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neil lays on the couch with a frown on his face and a knot in his stomach.

He doesn't know why it's bothering him so much. 'Love' is a word foreign to him. 'Love' was his father's knife in his side and his mother's bruising hands in his hair. 'Love' was dead bodies killed by his mother's gun, was burning corpses, was hot wired cars and a phone with only one number in it. 'Love' was pain, was death, was running, running, _running_. And Neil didn't want to run anymore.

The door behind him opens and footsteps fall into the dorm. Neil watches as Andrew hauls groceries, three bags of which are overflowing with ice cream. Andrew takes his time slowly putting away each item, not even glancing in Neil's direction.

When the last pint of ice cream is painstakingly placed into the freezer Andrew finally trudges his way to the arm of the couch and leans on it, opening a box of cigarettes and lighting one.

Neil opens his mouth to tell him how mad Nicky and Kevin will be if they smell smoke in the room but what comes out instead is, "I can't love you."

Andrew stills. Neil cringes but he can't take it back. Neil chews on his bottom lip until silence squeezes the breath out of his lungs and he gasps,"I don't know how."

Neil sits up but doesn't reach out for him. "I'm sorry."

Andrew snuffs out his untouched cigarette on the coffee table next to him and in the next moment he's in front of Neil with a hand gripping his chin. "You idiot," He hisses out, betraying his emotionless face. "I never fucking asked you to."

"But-"

"No." Andrews says firmly, " I hate you remember?"

Something loosens inside Neil and he smiles. "I know."

"150% Josten," Andrew says, "Yes or no?"

"Yes." Maybe Nicky and the rest of the foxes would never understand, maybe Neil would never say those words to Andrew, maybe he'd never say it to anyone. And maybe that was okay, as long as he had this.


End file.
